Paragon
by Person-without-a-FF.N-account
Summary: The Doctor, the Master, and one TARDIS. Each chapter brings a new planet, a new short adventure, and new... arguments. Other companions may make random appearances, aaaaand I suck at summaries sometimes. This is one of those times.
1. Paragon

A/N: I don't know where this came from... really, I was just making it up as I went along.

Of course, whenever I leave my brain to roam, it usually comes up with the Master, hence the reason he plays a major part in all of my fanfics.

Anyway, this is... I'm not sure. I could extend it, but I'd like to know if people like it. If I get a lot of positive feedback I'll take it that people do XD

Ah, that makes me sound like I'm begging for comments. Seriously, everyone. You don't have to comment if you don't want to, but they're still appreciated :)

Disclaimer: Doctor Who is copyrighted to the BBC, I don't own it, I simply write fanfiction. You probably noticed, since this site is called ''.

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><p>"Anywhere you want! Your wish is my command!" the Doctor grinned, performing his customary frolic around the TARDIS console, pulling levers and pressing switches.<p>

"I wish you'd stop treating me like one of your ape _girlfriends_." the Master muttered, but stepped up to the console anyway.

"Don't touch that!" the Doctor yelled, grabbing the Master's arm before the blond Time Lord could press the Doomsday Button.

"What? Oh, I thought that was the radio." the Master grinned mischievously.

"Nah, nah, _this _is the radio!" the Doctor's grin matched the Master's as he flicked a switch and some trashy pop music started blasting out of the speakers.

Determined not to be out-done by the Doctor, the Master took out his laser screwdriver and held it against the console. Immediately, the music changed to some famous death metal song that the Doctor felt he _should _know the name of, but didn't for some reason.

The TARDIS whirred angrily at the Master and switched the speakers off, then lurched sideways and threw them both across the room for good measure.

"Ow!" the Doctor carefully disentangled himself from some wires, "Okay, apparently the TARDIS disapproves of death metal." he held out a hand, which the Master pointedly refused, getting up on his own.

"Right! Where was I?" the Doctor's manic energy returned as he went back to the console, "Oh yeah! Where d'you wanna go?"

"A thousand miles away from you."

"Not gonna happen!" the Doctor grinned in a manner that made the Master want to strangle him. "Anywhere else? I'm offering you a choice here."

"Fine. Third planet of the Na'kaya system."

"I think it's got a name, you know." the Doctor said, pulling the scanner screen round so he could read it.

"Ah. Evidently not." he skimmed through the information, wanting to make sure there were no harmless lifeforms the Master could enslave and no dangerous weapons lying about. "_Planet of Junkyards_?" he made a face, "What d'you wanna go here for?"

"I need to build a new laser screwdriver." the Master said, holding it up, "This one's useless since you 'modified' it."

"Ah! Nope, nope, no way." the Doctor pressed a few switches and the TARDIS started hurtling off to the other side of the universe, "Besides, I _improved _it!"

"It doesn't have the 'kill' setting any more!" the Master protested loudly as they raced through the vortex.

"And that's good! I also installed an 'instant espresso' setting!" the Doctor shouted back, whacking the console with a hammer in a futile attempt to stabilise it.

"Oh, well that's wonderful!" the Master rolled his eyes, "Who cares if we can't save the universe from a ravenous monster? At least I can make a cup of _coffee_!"

The Doctor chose not to respond to this. Instead, he clung on for dear life as the TARDIS rattled violently and jolted around. Eventually, he managed to steady her by tugging one of the levers.

"Do you actually know what you're doing when you fly this thing?" the Master asked, getting to his feet, "Or do you just push all the buttons without knowing what they do and hope it's going to work?"

The Doctor went a bit red. "Oh, just... shut up!"

Ignoring the Master's smirk, he reached for the scanner screen to see where they were.

"Paragon?" he frowned. "That's strange. I thought this was the Tukulla galaxy."

"And what is Paragon when it's at home?" the Master raised an eyebrow.

"That's just it!" the Doctor's frown grew deeper as he examined the readings, "It's _not _at home! Nine hundred quadrillion miles away."

"Yes but _what _is it?" The Master asked exasperatedly. "Planet? Space station? Lost puppy?"

The Doctor shook his head. "It's a star. The largest and brightest star in history. It's supposed to be in the Ignia system."

The Master thought for a minute. "I remember reading something about that. Isn't it one of the hottest galaxies in the universe?"

"Yes. Thirty-eight planets accustomed to boiling temperatures have now lost their source of heat, and it's appeared slap bang in the middle of this galaxy." the Doctor ran a hand through his spiky hair. "Nine hundred billion people from Ignia are going to freeze to death, and over six trillion in Tukulla are going to burn."

"Doctor, you're getting the 'Let's save the lives of primitive lifeforms' look in your eye again."

"This is my normal - oh, nevermind. Come on! Donna method!" the Doctor ran over to the double doors of the TARDIS and pulled them open to reveal the universe outside.

The Tukulla galaxy was rather beautiful to behold. It was a spiral like the milky way, but a little smaller and had an orangey hue. Slightly to the left of the center, an extremely bright and dazzling pinpoint of light shone.

"Paragon." said the Doctor. "A misplaced sun. How could that have happened?"

"Your memories have been known to be a _little _unreliable before." the Master pointed out. "Are you sure it wasn't here before?"

"Look, look!" the Doctor pointed. "See where it is? That's a completely unnatural place for a star! The nearest planets have probably been burnt to a crisp! We have to get Paragon back to Ignia _now_!"

The Master sighed. "I'll get the tow rope."

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><p>AN: What do you think? Should I carry on? :) it's quite difficult to force my brain along one story line (it likes abandoning fics in the middle and running off to write oneshots), but I'm sure I can manage it if I have a plentiful supply of inspiration ^_^

Also, please tell me in the comments if you'd like the story to be a lot of little adventures with more humour, or a big epic plot? (Which might take longer to write.)


	2. Fáydor

A/N: So!

I have decided to make this into a series of oneshots - I sort of lost the plot of Paragon, but I'm still going to keep the fanfic title because I like it =D

I'm going to name all the chapters after the planets that are relevant to their plots. I've been writing quite a few, but any ideas are appreciated! (Like, if you have an idea for a planet's name or properties, I'll see what I can do.)

Thank you for the reviews everyone, I'm glad to see people like it :)

And a special nod to 'Blip', the anonymous reviewer ^_^

Disclaimer: Doctor Who is copyrighted to the BBC, I don't own it, I simply write fanfiction. You probably noticed.

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><p>The Doctor didn't think he'd <em>ever <em>had such a picky, demanding companion.

Then again, the Doctor's companion wasn't usually a psychopath who made it his personal business to turn the Doctor's life into as much of a misery as he could.

"How about Lakarmi?" the Doctor suggested, "The people there have about fifty fingers each! I bet they could play the piano brilliantly!"

The Master said nothing, although his opinion of this idea showed plainly on his face.

"Okay..." the Doctor scratched the back of his neck thoughtfully. "The silver fountains of Audagait?"

"Been there, done that." the Master started glaring at the floor.

"What about Barcelona? The dogs -"

"Have no noses. Yes, I know, you've mentioned it. Six times."

The Doctor sighed. "Right, since you're being so _negative _about everything, I'll just choose one myself."

Pulling several levers at once, the Doctor sent the TARDIS spinning off into the vortex.

After a minute or so of bumpy space and time travel, the ship let out a final creak and started to land.

"Can't you turn that bloody noise off?" the Master called over the wheezing sound of the engines as the TARDIS materialised.

"Oi!" the Doctor twirled around to face his companion, "I like that noise! Good, alive noise. Lets me know that the TARDIS isn't dead."

"Doctor, if the TARDIS was dead, I think you would notice without having to -"

The Master's sentence was cut off by a huge crash, as the whole control room lurched to one side and tumbled over and over, as though it was inside a washing machine.

As they were flung around the room like a couple of rag dolls, the Doctor and the Master took the opportunity to have another exchange of snide remarks.

"Well this is just _lovely_." the Master somehow managed to fold his arms and look mildly irritated, despite being thrown against the walls by the sudden shift in gravity.

"If you could just take things seriously for a minute!" the Doctor yelled, grabbing onto the time rotor and trying to reach the console.

Gradually, the TARDIS stopped spinning around and eventually came to a halt, sending both Time Lords crashing to the floor, where they landed in a tangled, shocked heap.

"Get off me." the Master muttered after a few seconds.

"Right. Yes. Sorry." the Doctor rolled off the other Time Lord and jumped to his feet.

The Master followed suit, dusting himself off. (Although the Doctor really couldn't see the point in this, seeing as the black hoodie which the Master had become so attached to was grimy enough already.)

"I wonder what all that turbulence was about?" the Doctor frowned at the scanner screen.

The Master didn't wait for an explanation, instead making his way to the doors.

"Careful!" the Doctor called, but before he could do anything, the Master had opened the doors and stepped out.

"It's dark out here. Very dark. And it smells." the Master reported. "Let me see... this way looks promising."

"Ugh!" the Doctor groaned. He _hated _it when they wandered off, "Just... hold on!"

After making sure the TARDIS wasn't going to drift off without them, he ran out the door and attempted to locate the other Time Lord.

"Master, where are you?"

"Over here, you idiot."

"Ouch! My foot! It's dark out here."

"Really? Ya think?" even though it was dark, the Doctor somehow _knew _that the Master was rolling his eyes.

"And what's that _smell_?" the Doctor continued, sniffing vigourously.

"Leather. Of a kind." the Master also sniffed, "Yes. Definitely the skin of something. I'd say water-dwelling, possibly vegetarian. Adaptable to running, standing and dimensionally unstable water, most likely a very, very large animal and..." he inhaled again, "A hint of electric charge. That narrows it down to about forty animals I know of. Half of 'em live on uninhabited planets, most of 'em couldn't be killed to make leather. The only possible match is a Bukami, so I conclude that we have landed on the planet Fáydor." the Master clapped his hands. "Very nice. Bit of a dump. Come on, back to the TARDIS!"

The Doctor opened and closed his mouth in the dark like a goldfish. "But- but- but it was supposed to be a surprise!"

"Tough! Now, where have you parked that damn box?"

"Err, it was right over..." the Doctor tried retracing his steps but it didn't seem to work.

"Oh for Rassilon's sake, Doctor. Don't tell me we've lost the _TARDIS_."

"I don't know, it's difficult to see." the Doctor held out his hands and felt around for the familiar wooden doors, but couldn't find them.

"It would be, seeing as it's dark."

"Wish you hadn't hidden my sonic screwdriver now?" the Doctor teased.

The Master said nothing to this, and the Doctor wasn't quite sure if he was sulking or contemplating.

Suddenly, there was an almighty thumping noise, the entire world around them vibrated and seemed to spin as though in a wash cycle, exactly as it had been inside the TARDIS, but a lot darker and a lot more violently.

"Aaaarrrggghhhhh!" somebody yelled, but the Doctor didn't know if it was the Master or himself.

He also wasn't sure how long they were tumbling around for, all he knew was that it involved a lot of falling through the air and crashing into a smooth, solid surface which he assumed was leather, over and over and over again until finally they rolled to a halt.

"Ow. Ow... AH! Ouch!" was all the Doctor said for a while until he concluded that all his limbs were, miraculously, still working.

He stumbled to his feet and walked a few paces, but realised the ground was slowly rising up in front of him. He followed the curve around but it stayed constant. Suddenly, there was a loud _thump _as he bumped into something solid.

Rubbing his head, the Doctor held out a hand and examined the object with his fingers. It was wooden, and wonderfully familiar.

"Ah, there you are, old girl!" he grinned in the dark, and felt around for the door handle. As soon as he pulled the door open, the warm, orange light from the TARDIS spilled out, and dimly illuminated a little of his surroundings.

"Ooh. Now that's interesting." he squinted into the gloom, and could see a sort of curved, brown wall, arching up to a point that he couldn't make out, and bending round as far as he could see. Turning around a bit, he realised that the wall in fact joined onto the floor, which was less of a floor and more of a kind of bowl. In short, he was inside a giant sphere.

"Okay. Giant leather ball that spins around and falls through the -" the Doctor stopped dead.

"Oh. Oh, no. This is bad. We've got to get out of here. MASTER!" he stumbled away from the TARDIS and down into the basin of the floor to look for the other Time Lord.

Just then, another huge crash and the sphere started moving again, flying at such a speed that it pinned the Doctor to one of the curved, leather walls. There was a loud thump, the whole thing shook violently, then began to turn over and over, the Doctor and the TARDIS tumbling around inside like glitter inside a snowglobe. The Doctor was trying not to be crushed by the phone box, but it was proving difficult, and several times he only just managed to escape.

No sooner had the sphere stopped moving, the Doctor was on his feet and scanning every possible corner of the leather area for the Master, but couldn't find him.

"Come on, where _are _you?" the Doctor muttered, finally leaning against the side of the TARDIS (which had been overturned in all the kerfuffle) and sliding down to the floor.

"Awww, did you miss me?" came an irritatingly familiar voice from behind him.

The Doctor jumped, and spun round to face the Master, who was halfway out of the sideways TARDIS doors, leaning on his elbows and grinning at the Doctor.

"You- You were in there the whole time?" the Doctor's surprise was being quickly replaced by annoyance.

"Aww, how sweet. Little Doctorkins missed his bwest fwiend." The Master's grin grew wider. "While you were out here doing a fantastic impersonation of a pebble in a rainstorm, I have managed to semi-stabilise your ship, which isn't exactly a walk in the park seeing as she's so bloody uncooperative."

"You _did _steal her from me."

"You practically left the door open!"

"And cannibalised her."

"Oh come on! I _said _I was sorry." he glanced at the TARDIS's interior below him, "This ship doesn't half hold grudges- OW!"

"That's what you get for being nasty to the TARDIS." the Doctor said, trying to suppress a smirk as the Master glared down at the wood, which had just sent a nasty electric shock through his arm.

"Anyway!" the Doctor pressed on, "We have to get out of here. I think we've landed inside, umm... a football."

"_Inside _a football?"

"Well, yes. They're hollow."

"Last I checked, Fáydor didn't have footballs large enough to contain a person. Let alone a phone box."

"When, exactly, was the last time you checked?" The Doctor hauled himself up onto the TARDIS and looked down into the control room.

The Master rolled his eyes. "I don't exactly keep a diary of these things. I suppose you've got some explanation for it, though?"

"Hmm? Oh, yes. Giant humanoids evolved on this planet several million years ago, but they aren't one of the most well-known species in the galaxy. The fact that there are fruit flies on their neighbouring planet that are intelligent enough to invent a warp engine for peeling bananas is probably a contributing factor. I mean, who wants to look at boring giants that are ten a penny on Sancleen when there are insects with more brain capacity than should be possible living right next door!"

The Doctor looked round to find that the Master had been ignoring him, had climbed down into the control room and was trying to finish stabilising the TARDIS.

"We'd better get out of here." he was saying, "I don't want to be around when these giants start tackling."

"You're right. We- No, no, no!" the Doctor dropped down and landed with a sickening thud on the console, then pushed the Master away from one of the levers.

"What?" the Master asked indignantly, hanging on to the edge of the console to stop himself falling down into the swimming pool, or whatever was down below. "That's the dematerialisation regulator, isn't it?"

"No! I switched the circuits round. It is now the 'Instant 21st Century London' lever." the Doctor explained, pushing a few buttons as he did so.

"Oh, trust you to invent that." the Master rolled his eyes, "I can think of _so _many inferiorities that planet of yours has."

"You might as well not bother listing them," the Doctor said, as the TARDIS dematerialised with its smooth wheezing noise and spun back into the vortex, "I'm not going to listen."

"You infuriate me sometimes, Doctor."

"Well let's just say we are perfectly matched, Master."

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><p>AN: So, what did you think? I don't know if the football thing was too obvious, it was difficult to write it without giving away too many clues.

Also, just a random thing here, I used the planet name 'Sancleen', which was actually mentioned in the series 1 episode 'Boom Town'. I like making references to the real show, it just makes everything seem a bit more tied in with canon ^.^ I shall probably continue to do this, and anyone who can find the planet names from now on will receive cookies! =D


	3. Ferrum Orbis

A/N: RIGHT! First off, I'm SORRY (I'm so, so sorry *10ant face*) that I haven't updated for SOOOOO long. Yep, I'm sure you've heard this a million times from various people. I won't bore you with the details of my mundane real life, but here's a nice chapter for you!

I'm afraid I seem to have been writing a bit too dramatically recently, so I hope it doesn't invade Paragon too much - I'll try and include humour a lot as well :)

And an awesome thank you to kattastic999 for thinking of the planet - it's a brilliant idea!

Doctor Who is copyrighted to the BBC, I do not own it. If I did, well... *muahahahah*

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><p>Because the majority of the Doctor's companions were from 21st century Earth - or other such primitive time periods and planets where people didn't have the option of effortless timespace travel - anywhere he took them would be an exciting new experience.

However, since the Master was a Time Lord, and a more equal companion, he had usually either been to, or heard of most of the places the Doctor suggested.

So, as a result of this, a game had evolved between the two Time Lords, which had the simple concept of, 'Find a planet the Master doesn't know about'.

"Settsphere!" The Doctor said impressively, spinning around from the scanner screen to face the Master, who was reclining in the pilot's seat.

"I remember it... the amber rain, right?" the blond Time Lord said after a moment's thought.

"That's the one! Shall we go there?"

"No."

"Oh _come on_!" the Doctor sighed, then his eyes lit up. "I have an idea! I'll land somewhere, and you have to guess what planet it is! Okay?"

Without waiting for a reply, he jumped back to the console and pulled a lever, and the TARDIS lurched into an unusually smooth flight.

There was an, "Ouch!" and the Doctor looked round to see the Master sprawled on the metal grid floor under the pilot's seat, which was hinged forward in a position the Doctor didn't even know it was capable of.

"What are you doing down there, then?" he said, trying not to laugh.

The Master gave him a look that could probably subdue a Sontaran army. "Your stupid ship tipped me off." he spat, getting to his feet and clutching the console as the TARDIS juddered and swayed, "'Give her a few weeks, she'll get used to you', you said!"

"We've been through this before!" the Doctor said, "She has every right to hate you. How would _you _feel if -"

He was cut off by a loud groaning, throbbing noise as the TARDIS finally landed.

"Ooh, that doesn't sound too good. Perhaps she's breaking down." the Master said, sounding as though he couldn't care less.

The Doctor gave the console a good whack with his hammer, nodded as if that fixed everything, and proceeded down the ramp with the Master following.

"Okay, name this planet!" the Doctor grinned, throwing open the doors.

The two Time Lords stepped out into a haze of activity. Everywhere was the sound of screeching metal, the harsh clang of hammers against anvils, and the blinding glare of sunlight bouncing off copper and iron.

They had landed under the overhang of a large steel building that looked out onto an industrial-looking city. The nearest street was the source of most of the noise, although the rest of the city was contributing to the din. Practically every building was made of copper-plated iron or steel, and all the shopfronts were either blacksmiths' workshops or other metalwork-related establishments.

The Master frowned, tilting his head to one side. "Well this is... interesting."

"You can't recognise it, can you?" the Doctor grinned. He stuck his hands in his pockets and started forward towards the street. "I think this means I win. And yes, I'm going to rub it in. Just a bit. Who would've thought our almighty Lord and Master couldn't- OW!"

The Doctor jumped back into the shade of the overhang, massaging his hair, which had been slightly singed.

"Well fancy that!" he said, squinting at the sky, "Five suns - I could have sworn there were four last time. All that metal must be reflecting it back. I think we'd better stay under here unless we want to be turned into crispy-fried Time Lords. Ooh, look at that! He's beating the metal into a perfect hexagon! Well that _is _clever. You know, I once knew a-"

The Master wasn't listening. He was peering over at the street, watching the blacksmiths, the people coming and going, and the shops selling everything from intricate sharp chisels for engraving tiny details, to miniature anvils and hammers for young children to use.

The planet, it seemed, was entirely dominated by the metalworking industry. Specifically iron, by the looks of it.

"Iron world..." the Master murmured.

"Sorry?" the Doctor said, pausing in his babble, which had somehow turned to the topic of pop hits in the 22nd century.

"Iron world." the Master said slightly louder. "I didn't recognise it at first. This is before it was re-colonised, isn't it? That group of human colonists discovered it in 2520, founded this city." he waved a hand to indicate the metropolis in front of them, "But they were kicked out by one of those 'Great and Bountiful' Human Empires, who re-named it in Latin. In a few thousand years, this will be Ferrum Orbis."

A grin had spread across the Doctor's face.

"I knew you'd get it eventually! You know, the Human Empire Government didn't even know the inhabitants of this city were human-decedents. The original colonists' mission was never documented because the secretary at the time was too preoccupied with her video-gaming to catalog it! I should know, I was there." he nodded seriously, only to find that the Master had once again lost interest with him, and was studying one of the steel struts supporting whatever was above their heads.

"Are you even listening to me?" the Doctor asked him.

"Hmm?" the Master mumbled distractedly, "Oh. No, Should I be?"

The Doctor huffed and went back to staring out at the city.

There was a long silence, punctuated only by the rattling din of the metropolis; clang, bang, grinding and sparks. A tinny noise like scraping metal. Clang, copper beating, ironwork, Iron World noise.

Then another sound started up, which the Doctor couldn't quite identify at first. Barely audible over the rest of the commotion, it was soft and fluid, rising and falling, it took a minute of intent listening before the Doctor realised it was a tune. He turned around, locating its source immediately.

The Master, who had given up examining the support structure, was now leaning against it, staring off into space and softly humming an old Gallifreyan nursery rhyme.

After a few verses, he stopped and seemed to focus on the Doctor.

"Remember the solar energy peak on Gallifrey?" he murmured. "The suns burnt like hot coals and made it look like a wildfire had started in the sky."

The Doctor nodded silently. He remembered it clearly - the sharp, acrid smell of Ulanda blossom on the wind, hinting at the start of another long Gallifreyan summer. The energy peak had only lasted a few hours in the early morning, and if you'd got up to see it, you would have seen two boys sitting on the hill, rubbing the sleep out of their eyes and watching the world go up in flames.

"Do you think they have them here?" the Master asked, turning around to squint at the sky and breaking the Doctor out of his reverie.

"Who knows?" the Doctor said, giving himself a little shake. "I think this heat is making us go all nostalgic. Best to leave it all in the past, I think." he gave himself another small shake for good measure and started off towards the TARDIS, calling back over his shoulder, "You ready to go or want to stay around moping all day?"

"I'll be doing that anyway." the Master shrugged, following, "I didn't think travelling with you would be _quite _so dull."

"Well of all the cheek!" the Doctor squawked, ruining his offended persona a little by holding open the door graciously, "You're the one who won't choose anywhere to go!"

"Well maybe you should just choose yourself?" the Master suggested, sliding past him.

"Maybe I will." the Doctor huffed, shutting the door behind them, "You know, there's a planet we should go to, right on the edge of the galaxy Allison. Named that one myself, you know. Or we could always get fish and chips from Geshmoor! Well, I say fish... it's more like slop, really. Slop and chips! Well... I say chips..."

The Doctor's voice eventually disappeared along with the rasping wail of the engines as the blue box dematerialised, scattering piles of dust and metal shavings in all directions. A few heads on the steet turned inquisitively in that direction, but soon returned to their metalwork.

The suns were all gradually sinking in the sky, which meant it was nearly time for the night shift to start. Heating metal, stoking furnaces, twisting and striking, engraving and sending their work to be shipped all over the galaxy, working tirelessly all day and night - the inhabitants of the city had precious little time to rest. There was always work to be done on Ferrum Orbis.

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><p>AN: Hope you like it! A cookie for those who got the reference to The End of Time part 1 in which the Doctor mentioned that he named a galaxy 'Allison' xD


	4. Earth

A/N: Yayyy, another chapter for you! It's a little bit more SERIOUS, but I hope you enjoy it!

On a side note, I've also started uploading a Doctor Who MSN chat which I PROMISE is going to be updated every day, because it's easy to write and I've already got like 40 chapters on my computer. SO if you like fast updates, go check it out xD

Disclaimer: Doctor Who is copyrighted to the BBC, I don't own it.

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><p>"If you were going to fix the TARDIS, you might as well do it <em>right<em>." the Doctor said, folding his arms and glaring at the half of the Master that wasn't hidden under the console.

"It's not _my _fault you've got an outdated model that's not compatible with these circuits." came the slightly muffled reply, followed by an electrical whizz.

"What are you doing to my ship?" the Doctor demanded, grabbing hold of the Master's hoodie and pulling him out, "Get out from under there, you're just making it worse!"

"So I suppose when _you _fix it, it's perfectly fine?" the Master raised an eyebrow.

"It's functional! It doesn't have to be perfect."

"'Functional' means, in this case, it works just acceptably for a few months before it breaks down and needs repairing again. If you'd let me go, I'd be able to fix it _permanently_." the Master tried to twist out of the Doctor's grip.

"And where's the fun in that?" the Doctor asked, "I love having something to fix all the time, keeps me busy."

"_Fine _then!" the Master pulled himself free, "If you love fixing things so much, _you _can do it."

"Alright, I will!"

"Good."

"Fine!"

The Doctor sighed. Ever since the disaster on Kyrocebia, he'd stopped visiting planets altogether, just left the TARDIS spinning around in space for a well-earned break. It seemed they couldn't even go to a barren asteroid like Zyn without the Master making some sort of trouble. Of course, the Doctor was used to trouble - it almost seemed to follow him - but now that he had a slightly deranged megalomaniac for a companion, it was getting a little too much.

And now, even harmlessly drifting around in space seemed to be an explosion waiting to happen. These little domestic arguments were getting on his nerves, but it was either deal with the Master here in the TARDIS, or deal with him on some planet where other life forms could get in the way - and the Doctor would rather have the former option.

"So..." the Master said after a long silence, "Is there anything you _will _let me do here? 'Cause I'm bored, and I'm not allowed to use the console, repair the engines, edit the desktop, play around with the corridors," he started ticking a long list off his fingers.

"Yes, yes, alright!" the Doctor thought for a minute. "Why don't you organise the wardrobe?"

The Master stared at him. "I said bored. Not desperate." he sighed. "Can't we go somewhere?"

The Doctor shook his head. "You know why we can't."

"Oh go on. I _promise _I'll be a _good boy _and not blow anything up." the Master pouted and blinked in an excellent impression of a puppy dog, which the Doctor snorted at.

"Last time you said that, I remember washing gunpowder out of my hair the following evening. The answer's no." the Doctor folded his arms.

"How about Earth?" the Master asked innocently.

"That's the last place I'm taking _you _to. Anyway, I thought you hated it?"

"I do. I'm just trying to convince you to take me somewhere. Come on, you must be bored too."

The Doctor hesitated. He _was _bored, but he could tolerate being bored if it meant the rest of the universe was safe.

Then again... Earth. Good old Earth. He missed the planet dearly - he hadn't had a chance to visit it since taking the Master on board, and although it wasn't his native planet, he did find himself getting pangs of homesickness for it.

"Alright." the Doctor said finally, "But if you blow anything up, hurt anyone, or do anything of that kind, I will lock you in the swimming pool. For a month."

The Master grinned. "Deal."

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><p>The screaming wheeze of the TARDIS engines penetrated the silence of a dark beach in the south of England. It was almost six o'clock in the morning, and the sun was just about to rise.<p>

"Well this is a bit of a dump." the Master remarked, after taking one look at the waves gently washing over the sand and the slowly lightening sky overhead.

"Oi, don't complain." the Doctor said, stepping out of the TARDIS, "You're lucky to be on this planet at all."

"I thought you'd take us to London or something."

"Nah!" the Doctor stuck his hands in his coat pockets and sauntered down to the water's edge. "I'm always going to London. This makes a nice change."

There was a long, slightly peaceful silence, during which the Master kicked at the sand with his boots and the Doctor looked out to sea and tried to spot the sun rising over the horizon.

"I never believed it." the Master said all of a sudden, breaking the silence. "Back when I was a kid on Gallifrey. I didn't think a planet could have one sun."

The Doctor turned round and grinned. "I remember your face when I first showed you a picture of Earth."

"All that _green _and _blue_!" The Master shuddered.

"You know, they say green and blue are calming colours, while red and orange are the opposite. Now I see why us Time Lords are so highly strung." the Doctor smirked, then turned back to the sea.

There was another silence, much like the first one, but this time with noticeably less tension.

Slowly, the sun peeked over the skyline, and began to rise higher and higher until every trace of night had been driven from the sky.

"It's beautiful," the Doctor said conversationally, "But this scene is just _begging _for a terrifying monster to come along and try to devour us."

"Unquestionably." the Master agreed.

The Doctor grinned and checked his watch. "Ah, this is where it really gets interesting. Look!"

No sooner had the words left his mouth, a huge explosion of colour seemed almost to materialise in the sky.

"The brightest, most colourful rainbow in Earth history!" the Doctor grinned. "I've always meant to come and see it."

The Master stared at the rainbow for a while, then turned around to face the Doctor. "Very nice, Doctor. But a _rain_bow implies rain. And rain implies getting wet. Did you think about this?"

As an answer, the Doctor drew a compact umbrella from his seemingly bottomless pockets and unfolded it, just as the raindrops started to patter down on them.

"There we go!" he grinned, holding the blue umbrella over their heads, "Happy now?"

"You know perfectly well I am never 'happy'." the Master muttered, but huddled closer to the Doctor in an attempt to stay dry.

As the rainbow over head grew ever brighter, the Doctor and the Master stood together on the beach in a rare moment of companionship, watching the raindrops slide off the rim of the umbrella, listening to the lapping of the waves and the rhythmic hum of the TARDIS.

And just once, just this time, for one moment, the universe was peaceful.


	5. Drile

A/N: Sorry again for the wait, everyone - hope you enjoy this chapter!

This chapter contains... *le gasp* my OC!

Well, not strictly a Doctor Who OC - I made him for an original story and this is a sort of test run for him - I'd love feedback on him because I really, _really _don't want him to be a Mary Sue/Gary Stu xD

Anyway - on with the story!

Disclaimer: Doctor Who is copyrighted to the BBC, I do not own it. I do, however, own Lord Prince Eyela.

Eyela: You SO do not own me.

Me: I SO do. Now shut up.

Eyela: *sulks*

(Also DID YOU SEE WHAT I DID JUST DOWN THAR? THE ANNIVERSARY DATE? HUH? :D)

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><p>The Doctor sometimes, very rarely, wished for a simple life on Earth - If only for the fact that time was definite.<p>

On Earth, you could always be sure of the date. 'Today is the 23rd of November' would be a fact, and it would be as plain and simple as that.

In the TARDIS, however, it could be _any _date you wanted it to be. This was all very fine and good - after all, where else could you go back and live through the same day four times? - but it did get a bit tiresome.

Since the Doctor was constantly jumping around in time, he had very little concept of 'Tomorrow' or 'Next week' as progressive events; to him, they were more like options, and this meant that it was difficult to remember how old he was.

So it was a miracle he managed to remember the Master's birthday.

"Good morning!" the Doctor said cheerfully, bursting into the Master's room with a grin almost as bright as the sunlight streaming in through the window. The TARDIS windows were artificial, and showed a variety of virtual scenes. The Master's window view was usually a storm or some other form of bad weather, but the TARDIS had, after much persuasion from the Doctor, agreed to give him nice weather on this particular day (Not that he'd appreciate it.)

The Doctor bounced over to the bed and started bombarding the Master with a pillow.

"Come on, wake up! It's your birthday!"

The Master muttered something that sounded like, 'I don't care', but the Doctor ignored him, and proceeded to list every form of 'Wake up' he could think of.

"Rise and shine! Up you get! Arise, awaken, get out of bed!" he said, hitting the Master with the pillow every few words.

Eventually, the Master decided he'd had enough, grabbed the pillow and shoved it in the Doctor's face.

"Mmph!" the Doctor said, his voice muffled by the soft material.

"There we go, much better." the Master grinned, sitting up and stretching, all the while keeping the Doctor's head in firm contact with the pillow. "Now, what were you saying about birthdays?"

"Mmmhmmph, mmph mmnh!" the Doctor declared from behind the pillow.

"Sorry, what? Pardon?" the Master was clearly enjoying himself.

The Doctor managed to tug the pillow away and threw it back at the Master. "I said, you're lucky it _is_ your birthday or I might do you a serious injury!"

"With this thing?" the Master snorted, catching the pillow.

The Doctor shrugged, and raised his eyebrow in a fashion that indicated the pillow actually had _hidden powers_ (It didn't, of course, but he wanted to practise this technique in case it would be useful at some point in the future.)

"So, I've been looking through the database," the Doctor said, changing the subject and sitting down on the end of the bed, "And I found a brilliant little planet on the edge of the galaxy. It's called Drile! And the Drillions are the most servile creatures in the universe - they'll bow down to just about anyone, so I thought you'd like to go and dominate the planet for a while? Just so long as you don't kill anyone. Birthday treat!"

The Master raised his eyebrows. "Can I blow anything up?"

"If you _must_." the Doctor sighed.

"Good! When do we leave?"

"As soon as you get out of bed!" the Doctor grinned. "I'll be in the console room."

Ten minutes later, the two Time Lords were being thrown about in the usual haphazard fashion, as the TARDIS made yet another bumpy journey through time and space.

"Would it kill you to use the stabilisers?!" the Master demanded, hanging onto the console as the ship juddered and swayed.

"I use the term 'boringers'!" the Doctor said defensively, "They make it all boring! What's life without a bit of excitement?"

"We get plenty of excitement being chased through alien jungles by flesh-eating monsters without being nearly shaken to death in _here_!" the Master scowled.

"Hey, that wasn't my fault!" the Doctor snapped, "If anything, it was _your _fault for wanting to go to the Jungles of Koorharn! I _told _you there were-" the Doctor never managed to finish his sentence, however, because at that point the TARDIS abruptly stoppped bumping around and landed smoothly.

The Master was immediately on his feet and out of the door, and the Doctor couldn't help a small smile. It had been ages since his fellow Time Lord had actually been enthusiastic about any of the planets they went to.

The Doctor took his time, sliding on his jacket and pausing to do up his shoelace, wondering if the Master could have the entire planet under his control by the time the Doctor stepped outside.

He heard a shout of, "I am your lord and master, and you will obey me!", a lot of chattering voices, a loud crash, a groan and then silence.

Frowning slightly, he hurried to the doors and leaned outside to see what was going on.

They appeared to have landed in a town square of sorts, and about twenty Drillions were standing around the TARDIS. They were small, lithe creatures with pale grey-blue fur, and large droopy eyes that made them look quite dejected.

The Doctor looked around, but couldn't see the Master anywhere. He was about to ask one of the creatures, when a black signpost caught his eye. It had been hammered into the ground, cracking a few of the cobblestones, and it was emblazoned with the silhouette of a red moth, which the Doctor recognised immediately.

Lord Prince Eyela was known as the Curse of the 3030s. He had established his empire on Earth, his home planet, but quickly expanded to the stars, creating a reign of terror and death for nearly a hundred years.

The Doctor groaned. Of _course _Eyela would take control over Drile. He could have kicked himself for not checking the date. After all, the planet was practically offered up on a silver platter to any megalomaniac who wanted it, and it wasn't big enough for _two _psychotic, power-crazy rulers.

He shivered, recalling his last meeting with the Lord Prince. As far as he could remember, it had involved him being hung upside-down over a vat of corrosive hairspray and being given fashion advice for the afterlife. But although Eyela might seem petty and wimpish, he was cruel, and more dangerous than a pack of sabertooth tigers. The Doctor dreaded what inventive way of killing the Master the Lord Prince could be putting into practice right at that very moment.

"You there!" he said, approaching the nearest Drillion, "What happened a minute ago? Where's my friend?"

The Drillion somehow looked simultaneously eager to please and reluctant to reveal the information. Eventually, it raised a shaking, nondescript digit which the Doctor assumed was a finger, and pointed.

The Doctor spun around to face a huge, sinister-looking castle, which was looming over them, blocking out the sunlight.

"Ah! I wondered why it was so dark!" the Doctor attempted to sound cheerful, but the forbidding effect of the castle seemed to chill the atmosphere.

Trying not to look too intimidated, the Doctor started towards the bottom of a wide set of steps leading up to the raised courtyard and castle gate.

He glanced up at the castle's dark windows, trying to formulate a way of escape in case they somehow ended up trapped inside. He noticed several surprisingly well-dressed corpses hanging from one of the walls, and supposed that Eyela liked to make morbid fashion statements.

At the top of the steps, two burly Drillions with curved weapons barred his way.

"What d'ya want?" one of them demanded, in an American-sounding accent that reminded the Doctor disconcertingly of Jack Harkness.

"Hello! I've come to see Lord Prince Eyela, I believe he's kidnapped my friend." the Doctor said brightly, as though this was the most natural thing in the world.

The other guard snorted loudly, and they pulled up their weapons to let the Doctor pass.

Astonished, the Doctor thanked them politely and made his way into the large courtyard, which looked like it was paved with marble.

"Doctor!"

Hearing the familiar voice, the Doctor whirled around to find the Master, quite unharmed, sitting at a small wooden table on the other side of the courtyard.

Lord Prince Eyela was seated opposite him, and if the Doctor's eyes weren't deceiving him, they were actually having _tea_.

"You know him?" Eyela asked the Master, raising an eyebrow and looking at the Doctor with distaste.

"Unfortunately. He finds it amusing to hold me prisoner in his ship."

"How _dreadful_, sunshine." Eyela drawled, taking another sip of tea and talking as though the Doctor didn't exist.

The Doctor gaped at them. "But... you two... aren't you fighting for control of the planet?"

"Why bother?" Eyela said carelessly. "This is much more pleasurable."

The Master nodded in agreement and drained the last of his tea.

"But..." the Doctor was speechless.

"What's wrong with him?" Eyela frowned.

"He thinks we should be trying to kill each other." the Master explained. "Honestly - and they say _I'm _the macabre one."

Eyela shook his head amusedly. "People like him will _never _understand our complex, unpredictable and psychopathic minds, Master."

"No, I suppose not." the Master grinned at the Doctor, then stood up. "Time to be going, then? And thank you for the tea."

"You're welcome, and _do _have a nice birthday, won't you, duckie?" Eyela stood up and brushed a few non-existent specs of dirt off his shoulder.

"I will. Goodbye!" the Master inclined his head before walking jauntily to the steps and starting back down towards the cobblestones, cheerily humming the funeral march. (Well he _is _the Master.)

The Doctor was left in an awkward silence with Eyela, who eventually said, "Next time I'll skip the hairspray and just burn you to death, my treasure. Much less hassle."

"Well I'm... looking forward to it." the Doctor assured him. Deciding that this was probably a good time to leave, he bid the Lord Prince goodbye and followed the Master back to the TARDIS.

"So, breakfast with a deranged and ruthless Prince. Okay. Good." the Doctor said, closing the doors behind him, "Any more birthday ideas?"

The Master turned to face him, considering.

"Yes, actually. I would like to cause a sizeable and deadly nuclear explosion."

The Doctor blinked. "I was thinking of presents and cake but okay, I suppose that's, uh..."

The Master raised his eyebrows. "Do you _really _expect me not to take advantage of this situation?"

"Well, no. But an _explosion_? You're always destroying things and killing people, doesn't it get a bit boring?"

"Not in the slightest."

"But -"

After a few minutes of bickering, the Doctor finally sighed, and agreed to provide the Master with a truckload of explosives and a large, uninhabited asteroid.

"Excellent!" the Master grinned, rubbing his hands together, "This is going to be a _very _entertaining day!"

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><p>AN: I'm afraid there were no canon!who references last chapter, but for this one - cookies are granted to those who recognise the name Koorharn, where the Doctor invited Martha ice-skating at the end of the series 3 episode '42'!


	6. Tharogi

A/N: Hi everyone! Hope you're all still alive out there and haven't given up on me XD

Sorry about the short chapter, BUT I've just finished writing a new one which I'll upload tomorrow. Until then, enjoy this one! :D

(No CanonWho references this time, sorry!)

Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who, okay?

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><p>"Well, this is just spectacular." the Master said icily, glaring at the scanner screen. "Would you like to remind me exactly how much of a mess you've got us into?"<p>

"Yeahhh..." the Doctor scratched his chin, "We're being sucked towards a carnivorous planet that has a nasty sense of humour and control over the TARDIS, we're running out of air and there's not much in the way of escape. But," the Doctor managed a grin, "Focussing on the plus side, er... ummm..."

"At least you've still got me with my wonderful sarcasm to keep you entertained until you die." the Master pointed out.

The Doctor rolled his eyes. "I really appreciate that."

Suddenly, there was a whirring, clicking noise and several lights flashed on the console.

"Ah!" the Doctor grinned, "She's fighting it! Clever old girl."

"Why are you so certain the TARDIS is female, anyway?" the Master asked.

"Uhh..." the Doctor started blushing and fidgeted with his coat sleeve, ignoring the Master's profuse eye-rolling.

The noise sounded again, louder this time, and the time rotor began to pump up and down slowly.

"Come on, you can do it!" the Doctor muttered, urging the ship on, but not daring to touch the controls in case it blew up in his face.

"Doctor, I'd rather you didn't talk unless it's _absolutely _necessary, we may lose more air."

"Oh, that's rich, coming from you." the Doctor raised an eyebrow. "You make snarky comments when the universe is about to end."

"We wouldn't even be running out of air if _you _had installed shields into the air conditioning system." the Master said, turning the argument around again.

"How was I to know that some half-sentient planet would be able to take control over it?"

"I would have thought you'd take the hint - it _did _send us warning messages." the Master rolled his eyes again, "I forgot that 'warning' translates to 'invitation' for you."

"If you roll your eyes any more, they'll roll out of their sockets." the Doctor remarked, casually ignoring the Master's spiteful tone.

The TARDIS started wheezing and creaking, but it didn't seem to be winning the battle with the planet's consciousness, and they were losing air faster than ever.

"What kind of planet is sentient anyway?" the Doctor said, almost to himself. "Tharogi... Why haven't I heard of it?"

"Maybe because you were too busy pandering to all the Earth's insignificant problems?" the Master said, but his sarcasm was spoilt slightly by a coughing fit.

"Running out of air is such a-" he coughed, "- bloody inconvenience."

The Doctor nodded, and was about to say something when he, too, broke out into coughing.

"Any chance you've got a back-up air conditioner?" he gasped.

"Oh damn, I just used my last one yesterday." the Master said through gritted teeth.

"I was talking to the -" the Doctor coughed loudly, "-TARDIS."

"As you do."

"Shut up!"

The Master raised his eyebrows. "I thought you'd be grateful for my company, seeing as -" he gasped, "We're probably going to die in a minute."

"We are not - going - to - die!" as the Doctor forced out the last word, he grabbed hold of one of the levers on the console, pulled it all the way to the left and prayed to every god he'd ever heard of that it would work.

And it must have worked, because the next thing he knew, the TARDIS was hurtling through space, rattling and shaking uncontrollably, but free from Tharogi's pull.

The two Time Lords had been thrown to the floor in all the commotion, but instead of getting up, they were both breathing in deeply in order to make up for the near-suffocation they had just endured.

"I'm alive - what a shame." the Master sighed. "I could be nice and dead and peaceful, but no, I'm alive and I have to continue travelling with _you_."

"Oh, come on!" the Doctor grinned, finally leaping to his feat, "We can't go around _dying_ when there's still so much to do! Places to go, things to see!" he grabbed the Master's hand and pulled the other Time Lord to his feet. "And don't forget the running."

The Master tried not to smile, but eventually the Doctor's infectious grin got the better of him.

"There is _way_ too much running involved. But yes, you have a point."

"Right then! Off we go!" the Doctor began to rush around the console, pressing buttons and yanking levers.

With a final tug of the handbreak, they sped off into the vortex, and the Doctor gleefully shouted something that sounded like, "Allons-y!"


	7. Imbrie-Two-Seven

A/N: Hi everyone - I got completely soaked the other day and it inspired me to write this. Hope you enjoy it :D

Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor who. Really.

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><p>It all started when the Master decided to take up skittles.<p>

In the console room.

During flight.

"YES! 220 points to me!" the Master said with a smug expression as the TARDIS shuddered and five of the pins fell over.

"That's cheating!" the Doctor yelled distractedly, as he tried to press five buttons at once on several different console panels.

"Doctor, I don't mean to insult your memory," said the Master as he aimed another ball at the surviving pins, "But when have I _ever _played fair?"

The Doctor didn't answer, deciding instead that it was high time he pulled the break, and dashed around the console towards it.

"Watch it!" the Master protested as the Doctor's converse caught one of the pins and knocked it over.

"Oh, okay," the Doctor said, stopping and glaring down at the Master, who was crouching on the metal grid floor, "So it's fine if the TARDIS knocks it, but -"

"I'll score this game how I want, thank you!" the Master said, getting to his feet and nearly falling over as the TARDIS gave another sharp jerk.

"Yeah? Well I've had just about enough of you," the Doctor said, putting his hands on his hips, "Playing skittles in the console room! I know you're just doing it to wind me up!"

"So what if I am?" the Master demanded, mirroring the Doctor's pose, "You'd want to wind you up too, if you were me - do you have any idea how _boring _you are to live with? Besides, what're a few skittles gonna do? Make the TARDIS crash?"

Suddenly, there was a colossal booming noise, and the whole room rattled violently,

alarm bells ringing all over the console.

"NO, NO, NO!" the Doctor shrieked, spinning around to check the scanner screen, "We've entered the planet's atmosphere without stabilising - she's going dooowwwnnn!"

"Well, this is ironic..." the Master muttered.

Apparently the TARDIS wasn't too busy crashing to make it clear that she didn't like the Master's sarcasm. He was abruptly thrown against the nearest railing.

"We've got to get out!" the Doctor yelled, reaching under the console and pulling out two rucksack-like things, chucking one over to the Master.

"I'm not jumping, if that's what you mean!" the Master examined the parachute with a look of apprehension.

"If we stay here, we'll be dead before we hit the ground," the Doctor said, sprinting over to the doors and flinging them open, pulling his pack on as he went, "COME ON!"

After a few seconds' hesitation, the Master strapped the parachute on and joined the Doctor by the door. "Just out of interest, what planet is this? I'd like to know where we're going to fall to our deaths."

"We're _not _going to fall to our deaths," the Doctor said, making a few last-minute adjustments to thier packs, "And it's San Helios. Jump on three. One... two..."

"Uh, Doctor," the Master said, looking out at the foggy, dark-greenish sky and the rain pelting down almost as fast as they were, "Are you su-"

"Three - go!"

The two Time Lords leapt from the doors. There was a whooshing noise, and two parachutes opened, letting their owners drift safely down while the blue box continued plummeting towards the planet far below.

* * *

><p>"Doctor, I. Am. Soaking. Wet." the Master said, spitting each word out angrily.<p>

The Doctor turned and, after looking the other Time Lord up and down, he acknowledged that yes, the Master had made a pretty good observation there.

They were walking along a deserted, muddy path that was slightly raised above the watery bogland which stretched to the horizon (At least, one assumed it did. Due to thick fog, the horizon was currently about ten feet away). Clumps of limp, turquoise grass were dotted around the edges of the path, and thick drops of rain poured relentlessly down from dark greenish clouds, splattering mud over the two Time Lord's shoes.

"I despise rain," The Master glared at him from behind the hair that was plastered to his forehead (he had given up trying to keep the rain off with his hood half an hour ago), "Is this your idea of a pleasant holiday destination?"

"Oh, be quiet already," the Doctor huffed, "How was I supposed to know it was going to be raining?"

"The fact that it rains on this planet every day of the year might have given you some clue," the Master deadpanned.

"I _told _you, I meant to land on San Helios."

"And Imbrie-Two-Seven is _so_ close, it's not surprising you accidentally ended up here instead." said the Master, still deadpanning.

"If you hadn't distracted me with your stupid skittles game, I would have landed her correctly and we wouldn't be in this mess!" the Doctor retorted.

"Oh, well, I'm _terribly _sorry," the Master said.

The Doctor rolled his eyes. "Honestly, Master, if your sarcasm was water -"

"We'd be more drenched than we are now? I didn't think that was possible."

The Doctor decided to shut up and keep walking - the Master was unbearable in this kind of mood, but he usually quietened down if you stopped replying to him.

They trudged on for a few minutes, unable to tell the swamp from the grass and gradually becoming more soaked. Even the Master's so-called waterproof boots were starting to leak, and the Doctor was silently holding a mental funeral for his red converses.

"I'm perfectly aware how much I sound like an Earth child," the Master began after a while, "But are we there yet?"

"No, and don't worry, you sound like that all the time," the Doctor said, still managing to retain his cheerful attitude, "Besides, I don't even know where 'there' is. The TARDIS could have crashed _miles _away."

The Master groaned in dispair. "I hate you, and your stupid ship."

"Mmhm."

"And I'm hungry."

"Jelly baby?" the Doctor offered, drawing a paper bag from his pocket.

"No, thanks."

"Suit yourself." the Doctor popped one into his mouth.

After a few more minutes of walking, the Doctor became aware that the Master was staring at his pocket.

"Are you sure?" the Doctor drew the packet out again, sticking it under the Master's nose.

"Positive." the Master averted his gaze.

They continued walking, but after a while, the Master started doing it again.

The Doctor glanced sideways at him. Any observant person could tell he was hungry. The Doctor sighed to himself. _You and your pride_, he thought, _It'll be the death of you, one day. _then he remembered it had been.

He took the packet out again, and this time he didn't offer. Fishing out a handful of jelly beans, he grabbed the Master's hand and tipped them into his palm.

"Doctor-" the Master began.

"Shut up and eat your jelly beans."

There was a pause.

"Right."

Another pause.

"Thank you."

The Doctor smiled to himself.

Suddenly, a dark shape appeared in the fog, very tall and menacing-looking.

"Oh great," said the Master, who seemed to have returned to his usual snarky self, "A bog-monster. That's all we need."

"I don't think it is..."

"Don't be stupid, Doctor. With our luck, what else could it be?"

There was a whooshing, screeching sound, and a light at the top of the tall shape pulsed gently. A breeze whipped up, seemingly out of nowhere, and the fog cleared, revealing a beautifully familiar blue box - slightly scorched and muddy in places, but definitely alive.

"OH YES!" The Doctor whooped, jumping a few feet into the air and splattering both the Master and the TARDIS with yet more mud, "Brilliant! Did I ever tell you," he continued, leaning against the doors and patting the wood lovingly, "You're brilliant. Survive anything! Well done, old girl."

The Master sighed. "Would you mind flirting with your _old girl _somewhere else?"

The Doctor blushed, and even the TARDIS seemed to go slightly purple.

"I don't believe this," the Master muttered to himself, pushing past the Doctor and into the console room, "He's _actually _attracted to a... _ship_." He'd had to stop himself saying 'Piece of scrap', in case the TARDIS decided it would be a nice idea to electrocute him.

The Doctor seemed to get his composure back and dashed into the console room after the Master, closing the doors behind him.

"So! A rather, ehm, _unscheduled _visit to Imbrie-Two-Seven, then. Never mind! Where shall we go next?"

"I really don't care at the moment," said the Master, pulling off his wet hoodie and dumping it on the pilot's seat, "You pick somewhere. I'm going to have a shower."

"Alright, good, wonderful." the Doctor didn't even seem to notice he was still drenched, sprinting around the console with the usual enthusiasm, "How about Girifon? Planet of the barbecues!"

"Sounds fine, I'll be back in ten minutes."

"Great. Oh, and Master?"

"Yes?"

The Doctor leaned around the time rotor and grinned at the Master, who was halfway towards the door.

"No skittles this time."

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><p>AN: Cookies for those who recognise the Doctor's original holiday destination, San Helios, from 'Planet of the Dead' :)


	8. Earth (again)

A/N: Yep, Earth again! Come on, the Doctor visits Earth LOADS. If he can get away with it, I can write another Earth chapter.

Also the Doctor/Master witty banter thing dries up sometimes, so I have, for your entertainment and to keep conversations going... JACK HARKNESS! In all his wonderful... erm... flirtiness.

And by the way, I'd just like to say a big THANK YOU to everyone who's been reviewing so far - you guys make my day :)

Disclaimer: Did you _really_ think the Master would've died if I owned Doctor Who? OF COURSE I DON'T. THE BBC DO. AND THEY ARE CRUUEEELLL...

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><p>"Is this <em>really <em>necessary?" the Master complained, tugging at the metal handcuffs that fastened both his wrists to the TARDIS console.

"It was the best thing I could think of at short notice," the Doctor said, flipping a lever as the TARDIS landed with a low wheeze, "I'm not having you take over the Earth again."

"Oh come on," the Master whined, "I've only taken over the Earth, uh... hold on..." he began to count under his breath, but after he reached forty-five, the Doctor snorted derisively.

"But you took me to Earth _before_," the Master said, sounding more and more like a sulking child, "How is this any different?"

"I told you," the Doctor sighed, "That beach was deserted - the most you could've done was find a piece of seaweed to murder. But I have some very important errands to run on Earth, mostly in populated areas. So those," he pointed to the handcuffs, "Are to make sure you stay in here and don't kill anybody, or alternatively steal the TARDIS."

"Since when do you run errands?" the Master asked, "I thought you were the Doctor, not the Postman."

"Well, not exactly errands." The Doctor scratched his chin, looking at the scanner screen, "Just some people I should really drop in on." He pulled on his coat and jumped down the steps to the TARDIS' doors.

"But what if you get kidnapped or something?" the Master said, pulling at the handcuffs again, "Do I have to be tied to the console? I mean, I can think of _so _many ways this could go wrong."

"It'll be _fine_," the Doctor reassured him, "Now, Cardiff first. I haven't paid Jack a visit for a while, and there's still that matter of the rampaging sentient custard tart to sort out..."

The Master glared at him. "Captain Jack? Great. I can now think of even _more_ ways this could go wrong."

The Doctor shrugged, and was just about to open the doors, when they swung open and Jack Harkness walked in.

"Hi, Doc," he smiled at the Doctor, then gave the Master his obligatory scowl, which the Master cheerfully returned (The Doctor didn't know if it was actually possible to scowl cheerfully, but the Master seemed to be managing it.)

"Captain!" the Doctor said, glancing at the Master, "I was just about to come outside and talk to you about that affair with the custard-"

"_Why_ is he handcuffed to the console?" Jack interrupted.

"To prevent unfortunate incidents," the Doctor said simply. "Now then, about that rampaging tart," he put his arm around Jack's shoulders (something he'd never thought he would do, and didn't really want to make a habit of doing), and steered him back outside, closing the door behind them.

* * *

><p>"What about it?" Jack asked as soon as they were out of the TARDIS, "We've got it under control."<p>

"Really?" the Doctor raised an eyebrow, "Because it doesn't look like it to me."

As he spoke, a monstrous golden-brown wheel rolled out from behind a building and began lurching towards them, sending flakes of pastry and gloopy bits of custard flying everywhere. It was at least fifty feet tall with a well-cooked crust, and if it had had a face, the Doctor imagined there would be a very menacing expression on it.

"Aaahh!" Jack yelled oh-so-eloquently (although you couldn't really blame him under the circumstances).

As the gigantic custard tart came rolling towards them like the wheel of a huge bicycle, the Doctor retrieved a strange gun-like contraption from his coat pocket and fired, hitting the tart dead-centre.

There was a sound like a flushing toilet and the gargantuan pastry began to shrink. It increased speed as it approached them, getting smaller and smaller until it finally exploded on Jack's shoes, only the size of a saucer. Jack looked at it disgustedly, then turned to the Doctor.

"How did you do that?"

The Doctor grinned. "Cleverly."

"No, I mean _really_. How did you do it?"

"In a... clever... sort of way. You don't need to know, Jack." the Doctor shoved his hands into his pockets and sauntered away from the TARDIS with the captain in tow. "How's Torchwood?"

"Well, uh..."

"Good!" the Doctor grinned, patting Jack on the shoulder, "Good man. Defending the Earth! Keep up the good work. Bye, then."

"Doctor," Jack called as the other man bounded back to the TARDIS. The Doctor turned around reluctantly. "What?"

"You seem kinda... distracted," Jack said, a worried expression on his face.

"Well, so would you if you were babysitting _him _24/7!" the Doctor said, jerking his head towards the blue box, "I'm fine. Really."

"You are _not _fine. You're stressed. Take a break."

"I can't."

"Come on, we'll have a drink."

"Jack-"

"Just leave him. For five minutes!"

"I can't leave him in there, it's dangerous." The Doctor looked like he was trying to convince himself.

"But you deadlocked the cuffs, right?"

"Well, yeah-"

"So he can't get out?"

"Well..."

Jack grinned, then gestured to a busy-looking bar across the street. "Come on. Drinks are on me."

The Doctor looked indecisively at the TARDIS, then back to the captain. He let out a long sigh.

"Oh, alright, you win. Five minutes, one drink, _no _flirting."

"Can't promise on that last one," Jack winked as the Doctor stuck his head through the TARDIS door.

"I'm just going for a quick drink with Jack, I'll be five minutes!"

The Master's face was a mixture of horror and disgust. He looked like he didn't know whether to complain about being left in the TARDIS, or make a sarcastic comment about Jack. He settled for neither, and just glared instead.

The Doctor took this as an answer, grinned, then shut the door and set off with Jack.

* * *

><p>The Master waited patiently in the console room for the Doctor to return. Thoughts of stealing the TARDIS did cross his mind, but they were quickly chased away by delightful visions of Jack Harkness dying in a variety of painful ways. The Master was very creative when it came to killing people, and even after a whole year of practising on Jack, he still had hundreds of fresh ideas.<p>

He shifted uncomfortably in the handcuffs. Why the Doctor couldn't just use a holding cell, he didn't know.

A dial on the console beeped, and the Master ignored it. Even if it _was _important and something bad _did _happen, he could always blame the Doctor for it later.

The minutes past, and the Master steadily grew more and more bored.

The dial beeped again. He sighed, and pushed it with his elbow to make it shut up. Surprisingly, it did shut up.

After twenty minutes, the Master started to become suspicious. He knew the Doctor was very bad at keeping time - considering he was a Time Lord - but when a certain American captain was involved, he tended to miraculously remember _exactly _when he had to be somewhere else. So why was he taking so bloody long?

The Master wasn't _worried _- he did _not_ worry about the Doctor. Fullstop. - but being tied to the console was getting to be _really _annoying, and he found himself wishing the other Time Lord would come back.

He had tried to get out of the cuffs, of course, but hadn't really held out much hope. Sure enough, they were deadlocked, and after pulling at the chains until his wrists were sore and marked, he concluded that they were not going to break.

A little over half an hour later, the doors swung open and two people collapsed into the TARDIS - or rather, they would've collapsed if they hadn't been managing propping each other up.

"Helloooo ladieeeesh!" slurred Jack, brandishing his pint of beer like a sword.

"There're no ladiesh in -hic!- here," hiccupped the Doctor, "Jusht the Mashteeer..." he focused blearily on the other Time Lord, "Oh, it'sh you! Yooou're my favourite, you are!"

Jack Harkness and the Doctor were completely drunk. Sozzled, sauced and stewed. Pickled and pixellated, befuddled and utterly dazed. The Master could probably think of more synonyms, but he was being distracted by Jack, who was sauntering over to him with a leisurely pace, a glass of something in each hand.

"You know," mumbled Jack, leaning back on the console next to the Master, "You can be _really _annoying... shometimesh -hic!-"

"I'm glad to hear you appreciate my efforts," said the Master, edging away slightly.

Jack leaned towards him, spilling one of his drinks on the console, which buzzed angrily. The Doctor had slouched against one of the coral pillars, watching the proceedings with a lopsided grin on his face.

"Did I ever tell you," Jack continued, oblivious to the Master's less-than-friendly expression, "I once dated this guy from Clom... or was... wash it Raxshacori...fallo...patshfrelh...? I can't 'member - ANYWAY, he sorta remindsh me of you, in an annoying kind of way."

When the Master didn't answer, Jack looked disappointed and then continued, "He washn't as gorgeous as you, though." He tried to put an arm around the Master, who pushed him away in disgust. Jack staggered backwards, spilling even more of his drink.

"Don't _touch _me, you freak of nature!" spat the Master. He glared at the Doctor, who was trying to wrap his necktie around his head, "He's _flirting _with me - _do something_!"

The Doctor gave up with his tie and took a final swig from his glass instead, then lurched up to the console and slammed it down on the control panel.

"Right!" he said, ignoring the Master, "Who'sh for a bit o'muuuusic?"

"Me!" grinned Jack, who had also forgotten the Master, and was twirling around the console like a drunken ballerina, pressing buttons without looking at them, "Maybe we could have a -hic- dance partayyy..."

"Doctor," said the Master, "Get these handcuffs off me right now."

"Eh?" mumbled the Doctor, fiddling with a few keyboards, "Why?"

"Because you're drunk, and he's drunk, and I want to get out of here."

The Doctor grinned that huge, cheeky grin of his, and pressed a button.

Loud, annoying music started pounding from the TARDIS' speakers. The Master probably would have quite liked it on any other occasion - it was some sort of trashy pop song with screamy vocals - but at this point, he'd rather be somewhere else.

"Jaaack!" said the Doctor as the captain came swooping round to their side of the console. They beamed as if they'd only just noticed each other, and clinked their empty glasses.

"To victory!" said Jack.

"Vi-hic!-ctory of what?" hiccuped the Doctor.

Jack shrugged. "I dunno."

The music turned up of its own accord, and the Doctor and Jack grinned.

"Heyyy, when was the lasht time us three danced?" asked Jack.

"We haven't, ever," said the Master, "And I don't really want to start now."

"Oh don't be such a wet blanket!" chided the Doctor, putting his arm around the Master's shoulders and clinging on when the other Time Lord tried to shrug him off, "I haven't danced for... ages! Come on, let'sh dance!"

"Yeah!" agreed Jack.

The Master groaned in despair, and decided he never, _ever_ wanted to go to Cardiff again.

* * *

><p>Yeaahhh the Master in handcuffs. Because fanservice. Gawd why do I do this. I DON'T EVEN LIKE FANSERVICE. DON'T TREAT THIS AS FANSERVICE. MY REPUTATION. ARRGGHHHH.<p>

*ahem* anyway, don't worry, the Doctor will get into some trouble next time XD

Cookies for those who... well, it was a pretty major reference to Clom and Raxacoricofallapatorius, but cookies anyway! :3


	9. Bluelark's Haven

A/N: I hope this chapter is as coherent and brilliant as my usual stuff, because it was written in the small hours of the morning, and that you enjoy it :)

Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who. If I did... THIS WOULD HAPPEN.

* * *

><p>"Bluelark's Haven!" the Doctor said suddenly, breaking the silence that had been occupying the console room for about half an hour.<p>

The Master rolled his eyes, not even bothering to answer. The Doctor had been randomly blurting out possible travel destinations for several days, hoping to catch the Master in an enthusiastic mood.

"No really, this one's beautiful," the Doctor continued, getting up and tapping a few dials on the console, "Gigantic planet! Trees, trees, and more trees! And did I mention trees?" he pulled the scanner screen around and typed something on a keyboard, "And also - waterfalls! Too many to count - some of them range up to ten thousand feet! _And_ - hold on," he leaned around the console and pressed a switch. The scanner screen fizzled into life, showing a picture of two sparrow-like birds sitting on a branch, both with vibrant blue feathers and large, glittering eyes.

"Also home planet to the universe's only family of bluelarks. Lovely birds, aren't they?"

The Master tilted his head in what the Doctor assumed was agreement.

"They're really intelligent, too," the Doctor continued, "Refined and cultured. Come on, let's go and visit them! We're both endangered species, after all."

"Is that what you'd consider a good reason for visiting someone?" the Master inquired, speaking at last, "'Hello, I just thought I'd pop in because I noticed that your species are on the brink of extinction. Mine are as well! Let's have a party."

The Doctor tried to suppress a snort.

"Well I wouldn't put it _quite _like that. But yes. Shall we?"

The Master sighed and leaned back against a coral pillar.

"I know you're just _dying _to visit this backwater rubbish heap of yours -"

"Hey! It's _not_ a rubbish heap!" the Doctor interrupted, pulling the takeoff lever in spite of the Master's apathetic manner, "I'll have you know it's the least polluted planet in its galaxy!"

"- Alright, it's a backwater plantation of manky weeds, then."

"Manky weeds?!" the Doctor tried to look affronted while at the same time frantically pushing a series of buttons, "I'll show you manky weeds! Hah!"

With a final wheeze, the TARDIS landed. The Doctor seized the Master's hand and practically hauled him through the doors.

"Doctor-" began the Master, trying to tug his hand away, but stopped at the sight outside.

They were standing in mid-air, thousands of feet above the planet's surface, which was covered in lush green jungles as far as the eye could see. Directly below them, a vast waterfall rushed and churned, dancing over the top of a sheer cliff and down into the lower trees.

The Doctor looked at his companion, deriving a small amount of smugness from the other Time Lord's expression. He loved catching the Master off-guard like this. "Don't worry," he grinned cheekily, tapping his foot on the seemingly thin air beneath them, to show it was solid, "This is chrysalis glass - it wouldn't break if you staged a Clom family reunion on it."

He twirled around in a slow circle, taking in the view. "This is a viewing platform for the rich and famous," he explained, "All shielded, of course. Couldn't fall off if you tried, so-" he stopped with a jolt, having turned full circle and seeing the Master, who was shaking from head to foot, arms rigid by his sides, staring down at the jungles below. His eyes were wide and terrified, and the Doctor could tell he wanted to shut them, but couldn't.

"Master," the Doctor said, dashing over and taking his old friend by the arm. "Master, look at me. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't-"

The Master didn't even seem to register him, still gazing through the invisible glass at the ground, thousands of feet below. He licked his lips nervously. The Doctor shook him by the shoulders, tried to make him lift his head, but it was no good.

"Master, listen to me. You need to move, okay? You know what's happening."

What was happening, in short, was something the Doctor sometimes called Unrealised Regeneration Weakness. Like all species, some Time Lord's regenerations had defects, both physical and mental. Time Lords were usually aware of them immediately after regenerating, but sometimes they didn't become apparent until much later. The Doctor had once been surprised, even after several months in a body, to learn that it had an irrational case of claustrophobia. He'd been inside a sealed coffin at the time, so it hadn't been the best moment to realise that.

The Master was still rooted to the spot, shuddering with fright. This regeneration of his apparently suffered from acrophobia - fear of heights. He was either paralysed by fear, or shock, or both. The Doctor silently cursed himself for parking the TARDIS on the invisible sky-platform without checking the Master over first.

"Listen to me," he said again, "Stop looking down. Just close your eyes. Take a breath."

At first the Master didn't react, but then the Doctor felt the tension in his shoulders loosen, and he took a shaky breath and squeezed his eyes shut.

Suddenly, it was like all the other Time Lord's energy had dissipated, and he buckled at the knees, collapsing into the Doctor's arms like a rag doll. The Doctor knelt down, gently lowering him to the ground.

After a few seconds, the Master slowly opened his eyes, and the Doctor's face melted into that brilliant, delighted grin of his, the grin that could flood people with a warm feeling of comfort, and the reassurance that everything was going to be fine.

Unfortunately, the Master was not 'people'.

"I bloody hate you," he muttered.

The Doctor's grin widened, and he pulled the other Time Lord to his feet. "You alright?"

"No I am not," the Master grunted, trying to steady himself without touching the Doctor, which proved to be quite difficult. He closed his eyes again and took a breath.

"Bloody vertigo," he said.

"You swear more when you're scared," the Doctor observed, then realised this probably wasn't a good thing to say. The Master opened his eyes and glared at him.

The Doctor gave an apologetic half-smile. "I'm sorry. I... didn't know."

"Neither did I, otherwise I'd have clobbered you the minute we landed," retorted the Master, trying to look anywhere but down, "I _liked _this regeneration up until now."

"Really?" the Doctor made a face, stepping back to a respectful distance but remaining ready to catch the Master should he fall again, "I thought you didn't like blonds."

"I don't like _your _blondes," corrected the Master, focussing on his fingernails, "And anyway, this is more of an ivory-white."

"That's a bit... poetic."

"A bit, yeah."

There was a fluttering noise, and the Doctor looked up as three bright-blue shapes descended from above. The bluelarks hovered in mid-air like buzzards, their large eyes fixing intelligently on the two Time Lords.

"Hello," the Doctor called up to them, "We were just popping by to say what a nice planet you've got here! Very well-kept!"

"Doctor," muttered the Master, "Stop talking to the unimportant birds and let's go. My head hurts."

"Oh, so we're not impawtant, are we?" said one of the bluelarks in a whiny cockney accent, "Cor, 'e's got a bloomin' cheek, sayin' we're not impawtant!"

"Never 'ave I 'eard such cheek!" agreed another bird, "We're da most important fings 'ere, inndat roight, m'luv?"

"Lawd above!" screeched the third, female bird, "Not anuvver livin' soul 'ere comes anyfin' close. We got blue fearfers an' all, innit? Unique, we are! And 'e 'as the gaul to fink we're not impawtant!"

The Doctor and the Master stood their, their mouths agape.

"Look at 'em, gawpin' loike a bunch ov bloomin' fish!" said the second bird, "Anyone would fink they ain't nevah seen a bluelark befawer!"

"Lawd, they ain't sayin' much," said the female bird, "Let's go ride da waterfawls, yeah? Betcha I can beat'cha!"

"Roight you are, luv," said the first bird, "Come on, 'Obbs."

The three Bluelarks turned as one, gracefully swooping down, chattering away to each other until they were out of sight.

There was silence for a few seconds. Then, inevitably, the Master raised his eyebrows. "'Refined and cultured', eh?"

The Doctor opened his mouth, closed it again, and said nothing.

There was more silence. The Master sighed.

"Right, let's go back to your scrap-heap of a ship before I discover any other unpleasant defects in this regeneration, or, 'lawd' forbid, we run into any more irritating mongrel species."

"You mean before you collapse on me again," grinned the Doctor, back to his usual cheeky self as they turned and went back towards the TARDIS.

"I-" the Master began, then sighed, casting his eyes to the heavens. "You're never going to let me forget that, are you?"

The Doctor winked. "Never."

* * *

><p>AN: Fred and George quote there, for those who spotted it *sheds a manly tear even though I'm not a man*

And yeah. Master!whump. I enjoy it too much. I once read a fic in which the Master realised his sixth regeneration had a fear of water. The !whump. The hurt/comfort. Guh O.O *collapses into a heap of Doctor-Master-adorable-fluff*

Also I really, really don't mean to offend anyone with a cockney accent. 'Kay? 'Kay XD

Also, cookies for those who spotted the reference to Clom! :D


	10. Terrokupia

A/N: Sorry for the wait, everyone. Hope you all enjoy this chapter :)

Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who.

* * *

><p>The Doctor, after approximately one hundred and fifty-nine planet suggestions, sixteen hours of outright boredom and only three actual landings, had officially <em>given up<em>.

"I have officially given up!" he announced loudly, striding into the console room and somehow managing to sound powerful and important, and at the same time weary and fed up.

After a few seconds of silence, the Doctor frowned. He could've sworn the Master was in here five minutes ago.

"Helloo-oo?" he cried cautiously, making his way down the steps and peering around.

"Maa-aastee-er?" he called louder, slowly drawing out the other Time Lord's name like a piece of chewing gum.

There was a clanging noise, a loud thump and some muffled curses from a high-up-sounding place, and then the Master's head emerged from behind the large dome at the top of the time rotor in the middle of the console.

His head was swiftly followed by the rest of his body, which seemed to be suspended by a few of the tangled cables at the top of the column. It gave him the appearance of a window-cleaner dangling down the side of a building in a harness.

"Hullo down there!" the Master said, "What are you doing here?"

"What am _I _doing here?" the Doctor spluttered, "What are _you _doing climbing around my TARDIS like a... monkey?!"

The Master rolled his eyes - as was his habit these days - and held up the Doctor's sonic screwdriver. "I'm tryingto fix the Chameleon Circuit."

A feeling of horror passed over the Doctor. The feeling then turned around, came back and settled itself firmly on his face.

"No, no! No! No. Don't! Don't do that! I've told you, I like it _blue_! And give that back!" the Doctor held out a hand for the sonic screwdriver, which the Master obligingly dropped.

The Doctor leaped forward and only just managed to catch it, before straightening up and stowing it back in his jacket pocket.

"Now, as I've been trying to tell you," he said, "I have officially given up."

"Given up what?" the Master adjusted the cables holding him aloft.

"Trying to take you anywhere. You're _useless_! You don't even want to see the Paradox Falls of Arcateen V! If we go anywhere, you say it's boring, and if you stay here you say it's boring! _What do you want_?!" the Doctor was almost yelling by the end of his little speech - he knew he shouldn't get angry, but after days cooped up in the TARDIS, his nerves were on edge and he felt irritable and tired.

The Master said nothing, tilting his head slightly and giving the Doctor a calculating stare.

The Doctor took a breath and tried a different tack. "Look, I know you hate it here." he said, his tone considerably more gentle, "And I know you hate travelling with me sometimes. But you can't sit around sulking and messing about with wires all day."

"Can't I?" the Master murmured under his breath, turning back to the exposed panel of circuitry he had been fixing and examining it, even though he couldn't do anything further to it without the screwdriver.

There was a short silence, and then all of a sudden, something seemed to flicker in the Master's eyes and the Doctor could almost _feel_ the other Time Lord's unexpected mood swing.

"Alright, fine!" he said, abruptly slamming the circuit compartment shut and swinging around again to face the Doctor. "I'll tell you what." He started rearranging the cables, gradually lengthening them and lowering himself down to floor level, "We can go somewhere, _if_ -" he stopped a few feet above the metal grating and slid out of the harness, dusting himself off, "- And only if," placing a hand on the console, the Master flashed a mischievous grin, "I can drive."

The Doctor hesitated. He didn't know if he quite trusted the Master to fly the TARDIS, but it was so rare that his 'companion' actually wanted to go somewhere, he was tempted to allow it.

A few seconds passed, during which the Master's eyebrows gradually inched higher and higher until the Doctor was sure they were going to float off his forehead.

Finally, after considering all possible outcomes of the situation that he could prevent, (He didn't consider the ones he _couldn't_ prevent; he ignored them to make himself feel more confident) the Doctor sighed, took out his sonic screwdriver, aimed it at the console and deactivated the isomorphic settings.

The TARDIS's engines immediately whirred in protest, but the Doctor gave the console a comforting pat before settling himself into the pilot's seat and making an '_All yours_' gesture to the Master.

The other Time Lord's grin returned and he began to slowly circle the console, like a cat considering its prey.

The Doctor noticed that the first buttons to be pressed were the stabilisers, followed by the back-up stabilisers, the anti-turbulence lever (Which he was pretty certain he'd _never _used) and the landing buffer shield.

"Is my driving really_ that_ bad?" the Doctor asked.

The Master glanced up at him. "Yes."

The Doctor pouted, but the Master happened not to notice him.

It had to be noted that the Master and the Doctor differed greatly when it came to flying the TARDIS. While the Doctor usually performed a sort of haphazard jig around the console, spinning dials seemingly at random and pressing half the buttons on a panel before coming back to press the rest on his next lap, the Master had a much more calculated way of doing things. He almost seemed to slide around the controls, completing each section of the flight co-ordinates in smooth chronological order. It took a little longer than the Doctor's method, but when the time rotor finally hummed into action and began pumping up and down, the engines surprised the Doctor by remaining utterly silent throughout the take-off.

The console room began to shudder a little and the Doctor braced himself against the back of the pilot's seat, but after a few seconds, it seemed to quieten down and become almost tranquil.

"So, what do you think?" the Master asked, moving round the edge of the console to face the Doctor, "It must be a luxury to be able to _walk around_ while the TARDIS is in flight."

"Hm." the Doctor huffed, remaining firmly seated, "I don't like it. It's like being in one of those lifts that are so quiet you don't know whether it's still moving or broken down."

The Master tutted. "And you say _I'm _always complaining."

A few minutes later, the TARDIS gave a small lurch, a hum and a clank, before settling down with a familiar wheezing noise.

"Just out of interest, where are we?" the Doctor asked casually, getting up and striding past the other Time Lord to the scanner screen.

"Ah ah ah!" the Master said, grabbing the Doctor by the arm and tugging him away from the console, "That's cheating. Come on!" he propelled the Doctor down the ramp to the doors and pulled them open.

As soon as the Doctor stepped outside, there was a sudden stillness, and the distinct oversweet smell of an old fashioned confectionary shop.

They were standing on a rocky plateau that stretched as far as the eye could see, with many crevices and canyons, along with a few craggy rises that could be described as hills. The sky was a buttery yellow colour, and when the Doctor looked at the ground below his feet, he saw that the rocks glistened and shone like crystals.

"Ohh... oh!" he said, spinning around to face the Master, "Terrokupia! _Very _nice choice! I don't think I've been here for several hundred years!" he bent down and picked up a small rock that had broken off the nearest pile, "Naturally occurring _sugar rocks_!" he grinned, straightening up, "The universe never ceases to amaze me."

"It really doesn't take much to amaze you, does it?" the Master said, glancing up at the sky before setting off in a random direction, "Come on, let's explore." he called back, "That's what _you_ do, isn't it?"

"Absolutely!" the Doctor grinned, taking a bite out of his rock as he followed the Master.

"Mm," he said, voice slightly muffled by the sweet in his mouth, "Delicious! I feel so sorry for everyone else in the universe. This planet is like a giant free sweet shop. But with a poisonous atmosphere... it's like some almighty being is having a laugh at everyone's expense."

"It's not _everyone _else in the universe." the Master reminded him, "The atmosphere isn't toxic to Time Lords, Karpians, Saturnynians and Jalnimn. And besides, people use automations to harvest it."

"Yeah, but there's something really nice about just picking something up off the ground and eating it." the Doctor said through crunching.

"No, that's just you." the Master said firmly. "If everyone in the universe was like that, there would be a serious hygiene problem."

The Doctor shrugged and looked up at the sky. "I can't see any suns, how many does it have?"

"One, I think." the Master said, also looking up and turning around as he walked, "But it's quite cloudy toda-" he cut off with a gasp of surprise as he stumbled backwards into a wide crack in the ground. The Doctor whipped around, but was too late to stop himself also tripping headlong into the crack with a yelp.

Luckily it was only a few feet deep, with a shallow river flowing through it.

"Ow!" the Doctor spluttered, spitting out some water. He sat up and held out his grazed hands for inspection. "We should really learn to look where we're going. You okay?"

"Fine, thank you." the Master said through gritted teeth, rolling onto his back with a resigned sigh and a splash. "Well this is delightful."

"You're getting wet." the Doctor observed, watching the river water soak into the other Time Lord's hair and clothes.

"Do I look like I care?" the Master asked, turning his head and raising his eyebrows at the Doctor.

The Doctor didn't answer. Instead he edged backwards out of the stream and began examining the curious water of Terrokupia.

It was as clear as any water from Earth, but filled with tiny reflective shards, giving it the sparkling effect of something you might find in an arts & crafts box.

"What's this then, Essence of Cullen?" he muttered, smirking at his own joke and cupping some of the sparkling water in his hand, letting it spill through his fingers.

"You know I don't understand Earth pop culture references." the Master said, turning over onto his stomach and frowning at the Doctor.

"Right, sorry." the Doctor rolled his eyes, then stood up and tried to shake the water out of his coat. "I think we're in need of an hour or two in the drying room." he glanced down at the other Time Lord, "You coming?"

The Master sat up and ran a hand through his dripping wet hair. Then a thought seemed to occur to him.

"Doctor," he said cautiously, "You know I was messing about with the wires earlier?"

"Ye-es?" the Doctor said, equally cautious.

"What does the mauve wire marked 'DANGER' do?"

"Oh, that!" the Doctor grinned, "That secures the TARDIS once the engines have cooled down after landing and prevents total randomised take-off. I marked it to remind people never to cut it because it would make the TARDIS dematerialise and strand all the passengers on a planet, and that would be a complete catastrophe - but luckily that's not going to happen because the wire's not ever going to be cut, aaaaand you cut it, didn't you?" the Doctor finished with a resigned sigh, as the sound of TARDIS engines wheezed through the air from a little way away.

"Great. Juuust great." the Doctor turned just in time to see the blue box vanish, then spun back around to glare down at the Master. "You reckless idiot! Don't you even _think_?! 'Ooh, here's a wire marked 'DANGER', shall I be sensible and leave it alone? _Nahh_, I'm going to cut it, just to see what happens!' And now we're stranded here in _candyland _until the TARDIS repairs itself and comes back, which could take _days_!"

The Doctor's words rung in the air, and the Master said nothing to counter them for a minute or two. Then he smiled impishly up at the other Time Lord. "Finished?"

The Doctor let out a long-suffering sigh. Some days, he thought, things just went _wrong_.

* * *

><p>AN: I think there's a bit of story development goin' on here - although he did make a mess of things, the Master actually properly flew the TARDIS for the first time in this story, so who knows? We might see a bit more of that in future :3

Also little bit of information - I invented the planet's name by combining two relevant Latin words:

******Terra:******_ Earth, ground.********  
><strong>******_

**Cuppedia :** _D__elicacies, candies, sweetmeats. _

REFERENCES: Arcateen V, Saturnyne (free cookies for those who got them! ^^)


	11. In Which The Master Needs A Hug

A/N: I interrupt the general order of chapters and planets and bring you this short drabble - a mini-chapter, if you will.

In Which The Master Needs A Hug (And the Doctor is confused.)

Prepare for fluff. Just... fluff.

Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who, the BBC does.

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><p>The Doctor was relaxing in the console room, feet up on the console, preparing to sew a new button onto a shirt he didn't like. He didn't like the button either, he decided after a moment, and cast it over his shoulder where it skittered away and fell through a hole in the grid floor.<p>

Just as he was hunting through the small box for another button, the sound of approaching footsteps drifted in from the corridor, and he looked up to see the Master slouching towards him, hands deep in his hoodie pocket and a pout on his face.

"Something the matter?" queried the Doctor, raising an eyebrow at his companion's sulky expression.

"I need a hug," said the Master dejectedly, leaning against a coral pillar.

The Doctor blinked, quite sure that he had misheard him. "You what?"

"I need a hug," the Master repeated, extending his arms lazily towards the Doctor. "Give me a hug. Now. Not gonna ask again."

Wondering if he was having some kind of hallucination, the Doctor slowly set aside the shirt and buttons, got up and walked over to the Master, who was still holding his arms out expectantly. The Doctor eyed him with suspicion, before cautiously wrapping his own arms around the other Time Lord in a confused sort of hug.

The Master, usually so touchy about his own personal space, didn't seem at all uncomfortable now - he even hugged the Doctor back, before pulling away with a smirk.

The Doctor's eyebrows were deeply furrowed as he stepped back. "Okay, Master, are you feeling alright?"

"Yeah," said the Master lightly, a smirk still playing around his lips, "Are you?"

"No, I'm extremely confused."

"Good. I prefer you like that. Night."

With that, the Master turned and walked back down the corridor, leaving the Doctor with a feeling that he might have missed something.

After a moment, he shrugged and returned to the pilot's seat. He eventually finished sewing the button on, and only realised a few hours later that there was a poster that said 'VOTE SAXON' pinned to his back with sellotape.


	12. Uspheria

A/N: HI GUYS! I'm still alive! You're probably tired of my excuses for not writing enough (tbh so am I xD) so let's just get on with the story!

Disclaimer: Doctor Who is owned by the BBC, I do not claim rights to it.

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><p>It was surprisingly peaceful in the console room.<p>

The TARDIS hummed in its usual fashion, and the Master leant back against the console with a sigh, shaking his head and gazing exasperatedly down at the Doctor, who had fallen asleep. On the floor. In the middle of the room. The Master had nearly tripped over him when he'd come up the stairs from the swimming pool.

He fiddled with a dial on the console and idly wondered whether, if there were no isomorphic settings, he could fly the TARDIS to the other side of the galaxy and back without waking the Doctor.

The TARDIS buzzed, but not as angrily as she usually did when the Master touched any of the controls. Perhaps the Doctor was right, and she was finally getting used to him.

All of a sudden, the whole room shuddered, and a lever on the console flipped downwards, setting the ship into flight.

The Doctor mumbled something in his sleep and rolled over. The Master was amazed that he didn't wake up - the TARDIS was making a lot of noise, rattling and juddering along.

"Now, where do you think you're going?" the Master muttered, sliding around the console and watching as the ship seem to run on autopilot.

Eventually, the TARDIS ground to a halt with its usual rasping noise. This seemed to rouse the Doctor at last, and he sat up, rubbing his spiky hair where it had been flattened under his head.

"Wush goin' on?" he mumbled sleepily, "What happened?"

"Your ship decided to start flying itself." the Master informed him, letting go of the railings as the ship stabilised.

"What?!" the Doctor was instantly awake. He jumped to his feet and examined the scanner screen.

"I can't... something's blocking the read-out! She's never done this before," he frowned and patted the console, "What's wrong with you, eh?"

"Can your TARDIS actually fly without a pilot?" the Master asked, appearing at his shoudler.

"Well... _technically_, I suppose..." the Doctor scratched the back of his neck, "No, I don't... well, I mean, it's _possible_. Perhaps... I don't know."

"Fat lot of good you are." the Master muttered, pulling the scanner screen towards him and giving it a good thump just in case.

The Doctor was probably about to make some scolding remark about hitting his beloved ship, but before he could do so, the room gave another huge lurch, and the engines rasped loudly before settling down as the ship landed properly.

Luckily, both Time Lords were firmly holding onto the console, although the Master thought he heard a teapot smash somewhere in the corner of the room.

"Dear, oh dear!" the Doctor tutted, walking around the console and watching a few stabilisers press themselves, "This _is _interesting."

"Never mind interesting," the Master called from behind him, "Come and see where we are!"

The Doctor spun around and saw the other Time Lord standing by the open door. He walked over and curiously stuck his head outside.

A chilly wind blew into his face as he peered at the landscape. Grassy grey hills stretched off in all directions as far as the mountainous horizon, with the occasional purple, spidery tree growing here and there. The sky was a very pale lilac, and although it appeared to be overcast, the whole area shone with a bleached, blueish light that made it difficult for the Doctor see clearly.

"Aha!" he said loudly, "Uspheria!"

"You recognise it?" the Master squinted past him at the anemic-looking planet.

"Yes, as a matter of fact," the Doctor replied, striding out of the doors and bending down to examine some grey grass, "I came here a while back. I was dealing with an insane giant cyborg lizard who was trying to destroy this galaxy as revenge for the theft of his breath mints," he glanced over at the Master, "Not my fault, by the way."

The Master followed him out, shutting the door behind him, and raised his eyebrows.

"Well," the Doctor straightened up, scratching the back of his neck, "Not _really _my fault. I mean, they were-"

Suddenly, a deafening bellow rang through the air, drowning out whatever reasons the Doctor might have had for stealing breath mints.

Both Time Lords whipped around to see that the TARDIS was parked in the shadow of a tremendous reptilian monster.

Its enormous feet were encased in shining iron, and its long tail scraped the ground with an ominous, metalic sound. Half of its head and a good portion of its neck were covered with roughly-bolted silver plates, and a nasty-looking gun barrel protruded from under one of its scaly wrists.

"Oh," was all the Doctor could say. "Right."

"TARDIS!" the Master yelled, but before they could even take a step towards it, the blue box was swiped aside by a giant lizard hand. It sailed through the air, trying to spin into a safe landing spot, but eventually the engines failed and it fell headlong into one of the beautiful purple trees about a mile away. The Time Lords watched as it crashed through the uppermost branches, then stuck on a thick bough about halfway down and began to smoke angrily.

The giant lizard wasn't finished. It loomed over them with a horrible scraping sound and reached out its scaly claws. It grabbed them both in one hand and lifted them clean off the ground, before the Master could even make a sarcastic remark (which was quite an achievement).

"This isn't the most comfortable kidnapping situation I've ever been in!" the Master yelled over the rush of air as they were lifted up, getting his sarcastic remark after all.

The Doctor said nothing in reply, as he was trying to reach his pocket. Squashed between the Master and some scaly fingers, he was finding this very difficult.

The lizard raised them up to its face, where a green robotic eye glared at them from a network of interlocking metal panels and cogs. Under any other circumstances, the Doctor would have probably made an appreciative comment about the cyborg's design, but right now he was more concerned with not being ripped to shreds, or dropped, or any number of other horrid things that might happen in the next minute or so.

"So, is this the friend you were just telling me about?" the Master asked, trying to free his arms from the straitjacket of fingers that were crushing the two Time Lords uncomfortably close together.

"I took his breath mints and he tried to destroy me, and a whole galaxy - we're not exactly friends!" the Doctor replied, "But how can he be here? I made sure he was safely dispatched to a cyborg repair facility in the Tukulla galaxy."

"The Tukulla- oh, Doctor, you idiot."

"_What?_" the Doctor demanded, giving up trying to reach his pocket and staring at the Master.

"Paragon. Remember? The misplaced sun. It appeared right in the middle of the Tukulla galaxy, and we had to tow it back to Ignia."

"Oh..." the Doctor's eyes widened. "Of course. The whole galaxy would have been in shambles. Security gates failing - it would have been easy to escape while everyone was still recovering from the shock."

The giant lizard suddenly roared and shook them about in its hand, but didn't seem to want to eat or injure them. In fact, it seemed quite content just holding them forty feet above the ground.

"He looks like he wants something," the Doctor said thoughtfully, "I think he must've come straight back here after escaping, used his cyborg systems to track down the TARDIS and pull it here." his eyebrows skyrocketed, "That must've taken a whole lot of power."

"He probably just wants his breath mints back," the Master said, "Why _did _you take them anyway?"

"They were just lying there!" the Doctor explained loudly as they were subjected to another ferocious shake and a roar, "They were white and shiny and I thought, 'Ooh, nice, I'll just take them.', okay?"

The Master gave him a concerned look. "I'd tell you you're a bit weird, Doctor, but I'm sure you already know. Have you still got them?"

"Yes! Somewhere!" said the Doctor exasperatedly. "Probably in my extremely inaccessible pocket!"

The Master groaned in frustration as the lizard-cyborg roared again, this time with a definate tone of insistence.

"Alright, alright, calm down!" shouted the Doctor, once more trying to wriggle into a good pocket-accessing position. "So much for bigger-on-the-inside pockets if you can't even get to them!" he muttered.

"I can get to my pockets, if that's any help," said the Master. The Doctor gave him a sardonic look.

"Well, you wouldn't happen to have any foot-long white capsules that look like giant breath mints on you, do you? No, didn't think so."

The Master raised his eyebrows. "No, but I have the laser screwdriver." He glanced around at their scaly prison. "I could probably take off a finger or two."

"Don't even think about it," said the Doctor automatically. "Besides, he'd just drop us."

The Master tried to shrug, but was too squashed to do it properly. "Well, have you got any better ideas?"

The Doctor thought deeply for a full minute, and then sighed. "Nope."

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><p>The landing was painful, and involved a lot of screaming and... painfulness.<p>

Grass, despite appearing bouncy and buoyant to those who are skipping gaily through it, is not such a kind surface when you are approaching it from forty feet above the ground. Indeed, if Time Lord bone structure was not highly advanced and superiour to your average human's, the fall could have been fatal.

As it was, the Doctor and the Master survived to tell the tale with nothing more than a few fractured ribs, which were easily mended by the TARDIS (as soon as they retrieved her from the tree... which is a story for another day).

It must also be mentioned that the Doctor eventually succeeded in retrieving the giant stolen breath mints from his transdimensional pocket, returned them to the lizard-cyborg, and then returned _it _to the repair facility it had originally escaped from.

The Master also made several sarcastic comments on the matter, most of which the Doctor ignored with a practiced tolerance.

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><p>AN: Couldn't fit any references in this chapter, sorry D: but there are self-references to Chapter 1, so there's that. Complimentary cookies for everybody anyway, for sticking with me this long and putting up with my long chapter breaks ^^


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